You’re gonna need:
A pizza base (I use Romano’s ones, but you can make your own if you want)
Tomato paste (I use non-General Motors stuff, whatever that is)
Kaitaia Fire (Tabasco will do, but get Kaitaia if you can)
Mad Butcher shoulder bacon (You WON’T get this outside of New Zealand, so I guess ordinary bacon will do)
A New Zealand egg (Chicken one)
Cheese (Obviously)
Some oregano (Oreg-enno, if you watch Spaced)
Optional: Beetroot (pickled – watch for stains)

You’re gonna need to:
1. Pre heat your oven to 180 degrees celsius (I know it’s strange, but celsius and centigrade are the same thing), gas mark 56.7. Grate the cheese. Separate the bacon and the rind using a pair of kitchen scissors or a knife if you have to (for hygiene reasons, do not score or rip it with your long fingernails). Wash your hands after handling the raw meat. Throw the rind away. DO NOT FEED IT TO A PIG.

2. Smear the base with the tomato paste, using a spoon or whatever you happen to have in your hand. Remember to take it right to the edge, but not over the edge.
3. Drop the bacon evenly onto the tomato paste. Add as much Kaitaia Fire as you, your tongue, your partner and your colleagues the next morning can take.

4. Add beetroot if desired. Sprinkle on some oregano to taste. Add anything else in the kitchen that catches your eye at this point. Chilli flakes are good. Corn Flakes probably aren’t.
5. Finish up by topping with cheese. Don’t panic, this just involves putting your previously grated cheese on the top of your creation. Then crack the egg into a glass and pour gently into the centre of the pizza. Season with black pepper.

6. Place in the oven for about 18 minutes, or until the cheese starts to brown on top and the egg and bacon is cooked. Slice only with a pizza slicer and serve. So that’s it. My first recipe. Do let me know of any variations or improvements you discover whilst trying this one. Comments below…