I’m addicted to chilli. I have been since I was 14, but didn’t notice until I was 17 when one day I thought to myself “Hang on! I ALWAYS order the spicy option, no matter where I am.”

It just happened. Now into my 30s, I am well and truly mad about chilli. Heck, I even planted some chilli seeds today.

Despite this affection, I only had/made my first vindaloo the other week. I’ve spent a few weeks twiddling with it to make it spot on, but I think I now have it right.

Something I never knew about vindaloo, is the ‘vin’ part refers to the vinegar used in its making. Not many vegetables, either.

As always, you’re welcome to comment/suggest your improvements down below, but for now here is my hot vindaloo recipe.

To make a hot vindaloo for 4, you’re gonna need:

Some meat (Roughly four chicken breasts, or around 1kg of beef – I don’t mind what you put in your vindaloo, go for your life)

2 onions, diced

6 gloves of garlic (I crush my garlic for that authentic ‘crushed garlic’ flavour. You are most welcome to chop yours if you wish)

1 tsp of turmeric (Good for the Alzheimer’s so I use two)

3-4cm of ginger, shredded (I crack mine through a cheese grater – be careful not to take a bit of your fingers off if you do this!)

1 tsp chilli powder (Really do do this part based on taste. I actually have more like 4. Or 3 plus an actual red chilli. Chilli is a very personal thing. Like underwear)

A stick of cinnamon, crumbled (Watch out for splinters! That’s my ass covered…)

2 tsp of ground cumin seed

A splash of clove powder (I never go too nuts with cloves. I think it’s to do with my huge orthodontic problems as a child. I suffered from an abscess or two as a child and quite distinctly remember the taste of cloves as mum tried to anaesthetise her young, noisy boy!)

2 tbsp of vinegar (I use cider vinegar, but white will do)

1 tbsp of brown sugar

1 can of tomato paste or tomatoes

Some water

To make your hot vindaloo for 4, you’re gonna need to:

1. Wash your hands. There is no excuse for poor hygiene in my kitchen, so there certainly ain’t a place for it in yours.

2. When you’re done washing your hands, and only when you’re done, may you begin preparing the hot vindaloo marinade. Mix in a bowl 1 of your onions, garlic, turmeric, ginger, cinnamon, chilli, cumin, clove powder, vinegar and sugar.

3. Prepare the meat. Slice it up however you want it. I do chicken in thin strips and beef in cubes. Sling it into the marinade and leave it covered in the fridge for as long as you have time for. 4 hours is good. Overnight amazing.

4. When you are good to start cooking, slice up the other onion. Use a dollop of ghee or olive oil to brown it in a pan or wok on a medium-high heat. Nice, sugary onion!

5. Next add the contents of your marinade bowl. Be sure to scrape every last drop of your vindaloo marinade into the pan. Stir fry the mixture until the meat seals nicely.

6. Next add your tomatoey can contents. Top up with a splash of water, say 250ml. Give it a good stir and leave to simmer, stirring occasionally, for around 30 minutes or until the sauce thickens.

If all goes to plan, you will have made a great-tasting chicken or beef vindaloo using just spices and other basic ingredients. I always enjoy mine with brown rice and a helping of home made mango and apple chutney and a chilli and garlic naan (recipes to follow!).

Far from being a vegetarian, I like to have a night or two off meat from time to time. Peas aloo (peas and potatoes) is an easy to make and good introduction to the world of home made curries.

When I lived in London, we used to order a similar dish to this as a side with our Indian meal, so it’s a bit of a favourite.

You’re gonna need:

Some potatoes (4 large should do it – depends on your eyes:stomach ratio)

A tin of peas (You may, if you wish, use some frozen ones – that’s cool by me and it’s cool by the lord of peas)

A tin of tomatoes (Check the sugar and salt content! You can always use fresh if you like/can afford)

One capsicum (What’s your favourite colour? Ever had a purple one?)

An onion (peeled and chopped)

Oil of your choosing (preferably suitable for cooking – I use olive as I’m a good boy)

One chilli (I use a teaspoon of this crushed paste stuff – amazing!)

Ginger (The real stuff, grated. Powder if you must)

Turmeric (Helps prevent Alzheimer’s, among other culinary benefits)

Ground coriander seeds (I am not aware of any health benefits to adding this. I add it because it tastes nice)

Ground cumin seeds (See coriander seeds)

You’re gonna need to:

1. Wash your hands and wash them good. Scrub or peel your potatoes, depending how much you like eating skin. Cut them into quarters, or whatever size looks manageable to your mouth, and par-boil them in water for 4-5 minutes. You can add salt to the water if you like.

2. Place some oil in a large frying pan or wok and heat up, adding turmeric and stir until the oil is like a paste. Add the onion and ginger and fry to taste (I like mine sugary and brown!) Lower the heat slightly, add the potatoes and stir well, covering them in the paste well. Cook for a minute or two before adding the capsicum and giving a good twice-over with the heat.

3. When you feel you are ready, add the tomatoes and the chilli (pretty important that you only add chilli to taste) mix well and simmer for 5 minutes.

4. Next add the ground coriander seeds and ground cumin, stirring well. Simmer for around ten minutes on a medium heat.

5. Add the peas and keep on heat for a further 5 or so minutes.

When you’re happy that the potatoes are soft, serve. Alternatively, when you’re so flipping starving you cannot wait any longer to eat, serve.

Peas aloo is great as a vegetarian main with fluffy white rice or as a side dish with other Indian dishes.

What’s that? Dunc cooks? Yeah. Kind of. Let’s be honest, pizzas and takeaway food in general is pretty darn cheap in this country. But do you know what’s going in to your dinner? Making your own pizza is easy, the recipes are adaptable to suit tastes and it’s actually pretty fun too. Here’s a pizza I made the other night based on the Kiwi Burger… Give it a go!

You’re gonna need:
A pizza base (I use Romano’s ones, but you can make your own if you want)
Tomato paste (I use non-General Motors stuff, whatever that is)
Kaitaia Fire (Tabasco will do, but get Kaitaia if you can)
Mad Butcher shoulder bacon (You WON’T get this outside of New Zealand, so I guess ordinary bacon will do)
A New Zealand egg (Chicken one)
Cheese (Obviously)
Some oregano (Oreg-enno, if you watch Spaced)
Optional: Beetroot (pickled – watch for stains)

You’re gonna need to:
1. Pre heat your oven to 180 degrees celsius (I know it’s strange, but celsius and centigrade are the same thing), gas mark 56.7. Grate the cheese. Separate the bacon and the rind using a pair of kitchen scissors or a knife if you have to (for hygiene reasons, do not score or rip it with your long fingernails). Wash your hands after handling the raw meat. Throw the rind away. DO NOT FEED IT TO A PIG.

2. Smear the base with the tomato paste, using a spoon or whatever you happen to have in your hand. Remember to take it right to the edge, but not over the edge.

3. Drop the bacon evenly onto the tomato paste. Add as much Kaitaia Fire as you, your tongue, your partner and your colleagues the next morning can take.

4. Add beetroot if desired. Sprinkle on some oregano to taste. Add anything else in the kitchen that catches your eye at this point. Chilli flakes are good. Corn Flakes probably aren’t.

5. Finish up by topping with cheese. Don’t panic, this just involves putting your previously grated cheese on the top of your creation. Then crack the egg into a glass and pour gently into the centre of the pizza. Season with black pepper.

6. Place in the oven for about 18 minutes, or until the cheese starts to brown on top and the egg and bacon is cooked. Slice only with a pizza slicer and serve. So that’s it. My first recipe. Do let me know of any variations or improvements you discover whilst trying this one. Comments below…